KELLY - The Misstress of the Sparkly Shoes
Where did the name Rabid Aardvarks come from? While Kevin was forming in his mother’s womb, a rabid aardvark suckled at her 
teat. It wasn’t until he later developed his superior wood-chewing and dam-building skills that we learned it wasn’t an aardvark at all, but rather, a beaver. By this time, we had already named the band Rabid Aardvarks as a tribute to his mother’s suffering. Oh well.
If we had to rename the band, we would call it: The Farting Manatees–but unfortunately, the animal rights movement popularized the term “manatees” to such an extent that it lost credibility among serious musicians. We’re not aware of any movement to “Save The Aardvarks,” so we’ll stick with that.
Pet: “Twinkle-toes” the inedible androgynous fish (a.k.a. Crazy Eyes Killa’).
Collections: Toast Portraits of Famous People; Obscure Patents (collection presently on loan to the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices); Squirrel Eggs.
Favorite Cheese: Asiago
Best Pizza in Milwaukee Area: Balistreri’s in Wauwatosa.
What I wanted to be when I grew up: The second person to ride the Loch Ness Monster. (I wouldn’t want to go first in case it likes to kill people who ride it.)
If I were to be reincarnated, I would want to be: Gleek the Space Monkey
Favorite Holidays: August 8–Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night
May 3– Lumpy Rug Day
April–Uh Huh Month
Favorite Drink: Malibu Rum
Favorite Brand of Toilet Paper: Cottonelle
Elektra or Wonder Woman: Teela because she gets to ride Battle Cat.
Scariest/Funniest Moments While Performing: To Be Determined
Real Job: Attorney and Partner at a downtown Milwaukee law firm; I’m also an Adjunct Professor of Law at Marquette University Law School
What Mom Would Say: This better not mean you’re getting breast implants!
Previous Bands: I haven’t been in any other bands, but I have been in a few gangs: The Punky Brewsters (Whazup Bitchez!); The Mammograms; and The Blueberry Muffins (West Coast).
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